


Slayers, Secrets, and Other Interruptions

by Kylia (saphicwitch)



Series: New Traditions [6]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Holidays, M/M, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2012-06-14
Packaged: 2017-11-07 17:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/433665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saphicwitch/pseuds/Kylia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander's weekend away gets off to a rocky start</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slayers, Secrets, and Other Interruptions

*~*~*

I put the last suitcase in the trunk of my car and return to my apartment. I know I packed way more than was really needed for a three-day weekend, but I don't want to forget anything and have an excuse to come back early.

I am not going to risk something happening… again. It was bad enough that the week I was supposed to take for spring got cancelled. No, not cancelled, ruined. I still had the week off, but instead of spending it in a small town I've barely heard of, with Angel, I spent it here, in Sunnydale, helping Buffy with a Slaying-related emergency.

Although, in all fairness, it did turn out to be an *actual* emergency. One that had me smelling like demon guts for over a week. Try explaining *that* to your boss. So my Easter vacation was a complete bust, at least as far as spending time with Angel went.

I was stuck here in Sunnydale, and he got involved in some case about demonic transplants, or some such nonsense. He didn't say much about it, in between being sorry our week was ruined, and complaining about having to work with one of those lawyers he's always going on about.

Consequently, we haven't seen each other in a couple of months, between him saving souls and me working and attempting to have a life outside of Slaying. Attempting being the key word there.

Buffy's been… difficult. Our numbers have seriously dwindled. Between Anya's absence due to our breakup, Giles doing his own thing, and Willow still being in LA, the Buffster isn't sure what to do half of the time.

She does that killing evil things pretty well, but when it comes to research, and figuring out *what* needs to be killed, aside from the vamps, and *how* to kill them, aside from a stake, she isn't really all that together.

Giles is still an ace with the books, but he does have his own life, sort of. And lets face it, I'm not Einstein in the book department. Of course I do probably know a lot more about things of the demon variety than either Giles or Buffy suspects, but they never ask, and I don't offer.

I take one more quick look around the living room and then make my way back into my bedroom. I sit down on the bed for a second, suddenly exhausted. I haven't been sleeping too well this week. Between working during the day, and helping Buffy at night, who needs *actual* sleep?

I see the blinking light on my answering machine, which reminds me that I need to call Willow. As I dial the number of the hotel, I wonder how long its going to be before Buffy and Giles realize that Willow *isn't* coming back to Sunnydale, and why? So far they seem to understand Willow's need for some time away from the Hellmouth, and everything that happened here. 

Her break up with Tara hit her kind of hard, reminding her of everything that happened with Oz. I think that she needs some time away from school and helping Buffy. Her time in LA seems to be doing her good. She's back to the old Willow I remember. 

Her weekly visits to Faith seem to have helped as well. They have an odd sort of relationship. I don't remember them ever really getting along in Sunnydale, but a lot has happened since then. Willow's changed, Faith's changed. We've all changed. I guess I can't really make judgements on the Willow-Faith dynamic considering my current relationship with Deadboy.

"Xander? That had better be you!" Cordelia's voice at the other end of the line makes me smile. She's changed in a lot of ways, but is completely the same in others.

"Nice to hear from you too, Cordy."

"Where are you?" She asks me, ignoring my sarcasm. "You had better not be calling to cancel. I will personally kill you."

I laugh. "No, I'm still coming. Is Willow there?"

"Yep. Hold on." Cordy sets the phone down before I can even acknowledge her. 

I can hear her yelling through the line and then another phone is picked up. "Xander?" It's Willow.

"Hey. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. We've been… busy."

"I heard. Giles called before he left. He said they were looking for some information on Feklehr demons. I was going to tell them *who* they should ask…" Willow trails off and I can hear the humor in her voice.

"But you didn't, right?" I ask nervously. "I have enough trouble trying to get away from here, without them knowing I have an entire volume on the damn things. It's not like it's an emergency anyway."

"I gathered." I can almost hear her smile through the line. "You're still coming, right?"

I sigh. "Yes, Willow. Why is it everyone keeps asking me that?"

"Maybe because this is the third time you and Angel have tried to get together since Valentines and it keeps getting cancelled?"

I shrug although I know she can't see me. "So, how are you doing? How's the brooding one?" I ask in an effort to change the subject, I feel guilty enough as it is.

"I'm good, actually, really good." The smile is back in her voice. "Angel's good. Not so brooding today, I think he's excited that your coming, but don't tell him I said so." She giggles then and I smile at the sound. She's been so depressed for so long. 

"And the Psychotic one? How is she? Kill anyone recently?" I ask innocently, knowing the kind of reaction I'll get.

"No!" Willow says indignantly. "She has *not* killed anyone recently. In fact, she's being released today." 

I can hear the excitement in her voice, so although I'm not really sure how I feel about Faith, the fact that she seems to have that kind of effect on Willow makes me happy.

"That's great, Will." I'm about to say something more when I hear this knock on my front door. I groan, afraid of who I'll find on the other side. "Hold on a sec, someone's at the door.

I stand up and carry the mobile phone with me, setting it on the counter on my way to the front door. When I open it, I'm not entirely surprised to see who's there.

"Buffy." I try to smile.

Buffy comes into my apartment, smiling, as if she hasn't a care in the world. "Xan, I need your help!"

Of course she does. Why else would she be here?

*~*~*~* 

I come down the stairs and see Willow talking on the phone. I can tell from the look on her face and sound of her voice that she's either talking to Faith or Xander. Her nose scrunches up slightly as she exclaims that nobody has been killed recently. Definitely Xander. The indignant tone can only mean that she's referring to Faith and he's the only one who can talk about Faith and not make her seriously defensive.

Suddenly she nods her head and I get the feeling that she was put on hold. I come up behind her and take the phone out of her hands. I can hear noise on the other side of the line before the phone actually reaches my ear.

"Buffy." Xander, and he doesn't sound entirely thrilled.

"Xan, I need your help!" Did Buffy always sound so whiny or is that a recent development?  
I keep listening, wondering what she needs help with and whether or not it is going to ruin my weekend.

"Buffy, whatever it is, it'll have to wait. I was just leaving." Xander sounds like he's trying to be patient.

"Leave? Where are you going?" 

I can hear Xander sigh then and I'm almost positive he told me that he informed both Giles and Buffy, as well as her current boy toy that he was going out of town.

"Buffy, I'm going away for the weekend. I told you this, several times. I told Giles. I told Riley. Hell, I even told *Anya* when I ran into her at the store last week. Are you telling me you don't remember *anything* about me mentioning I had plans this weekend?"

"Well…" Buffy stops and I strain to hear through the line as she continues. "I didn't think it was *majorly* important, and there are demons."

Just the sound of those words coming out of her mouth irritate me. I'm not sure why. If it is because she is basically saying *I* am not important, although I'm sure she doesn't know that Xander's plans are with me. Maybe it's just the idea that she doesn't think that Xander's plans, whoever they are with, aren't important that gets to me. Either way, at this very moment, I have this strong desire to reach through the phone line and strangle my ex-girlfriend.

Luckily, for all involved that isn't likely to happen.

"Buffy, there are *always* demons. This is Sunnyhell, home of the Hellmouth. Demons, vampires and other creepy crawlies abound." I hear the tone in Xander's voice and realize that he is irritated enough for the both of us. "Now, get out."

"What?" Buffy asks, seemingly confused.

"Whatever it is, Buffy, you can handle it. Ask Riley. He has experience with demons, or whatever… I'm sure he can help."

"No!" Buffy exclaims, her voice louder this time. "These demons, these Folker demons…"

"Feklehr." Xander corrects, but Buffy doesn't seem to notice as she continues.

"They're evil. I need to know how to kill them, and you know Riley isn't that great in the research department. Books aren't his strong suit."

I have to smile at that. I didn't find Riley all that impressive the one time I'd met him, but you'd think she, as his girlfriend, would have a higher opinion. Then I hear a noise. I'm not sure, but I think it is coming from the hall outside Xander's apartment, assuming they are still standing in the entrance way, just inside the front door.

"Oh that's good Buff, insult him." Xander says and I can tell from the tone he is trying to seem like he doesn't care, but it isn't quite coming through. 

"Xander!" Buffy, whining again. That is annoying. I'm sure I would have noticed if she did that when we dated. "I *need* your help, these demons need to be stopped!"

"Will? You still there? Xander's voice sounds loud in my ear, after straining to hear the conversation before. "Buffy needs some help with the evil demons from hell that are *not* even in Sunnydale." His tone is sarcastic.

"You mean the wild and crazy hibernating demons who won't even wake up until July?" I ask into the line.

There's silence for a second as he registers whom it is he's speaking with.

"You're not Willow." He says.

"No, and you're not in your car driving here. Which of us has more to be upset about?" I ask.  
I hear him chuckle slightly. "You. Definitely, you." I can hear the smile in his voice. "I'm leaving. Now."

I hear the click of the line and I have no doubt that he is. This weird game of tag we've been playing has been just as hard on him as on me. Our relationship, if one could even call it that, is so new.

We were hoping to get a chance to spend some uninterrupted time together last month, but that didn't pan out. This weekend seems like it was a long time in coming and if anything happens to ruin it, I think I'll be very tempted to drive to Sunnydale, and kidnap him.

But somehow I think he'll do as he said, and leave, soon.

*~*~*~* 

I hang up the phone and turn back to Buffy. She still standing in the little hallway by my front door, with the door itself wide opened. Riley had been standing there for a couple of minutes, but once Buffy insulted his intelligence he got that aggravated look on his face he often wears and left.

I want to be irritated with her, I really do. But after talking to Angel I can't even remember why it is I'm *supposed* to be irritated. I take the phone back into my room and hang it up on the base. When I return, Buffy hasn't moved and I push her gently out the door, into the hall, and shut and lock the door behind me.

I'm leaving. Right now. I have somewhere else to be and I'm already late.

"You're going to help me?" Buffy asks when we're halfway to the stairs.

I stop and turn to her. "No, Buffy. I'm going away for the weekend. I'll be back on Tuesday." I shake my head slightly, wondering where I went wrong. 

By the time we make it out to the parking lot, where Riley is leaning up against my car, with more patience than I could muster, I'm wondering if Buffy really is concerned about these demons or if this is some sort of excuse.

"Willow says you have nothing to worry about. The Feklehr demons hibernate until July."

Buffy blinks and looks at me closely. "She does? Are you sure?"

To lie or not to lie? "I'm sure." I tell her. It's not really a lie, since it's true. Willow didn't tell me, but the information is right. "Besides, The Feklehr demons aren't dangerous."

Buffy seems to think about this. Then her eyes get all wide and I think she's realized something, although I'm not sure what. "You spoke to Willow?" She asks me.

"Yeah." I tell her as I open the door to my car and climb in, rolling down the window. "Look, if you're really worried, I can see if they have a book about them. Going to LA won't really be out of my way."

I hear Riley snort at that but choose not to acknowledge it. 

"Okay." Buffy nods, seeming to except this, and I start up the engine.

"Xander?" Buffy speaks quietly after a moment.

"What?" I ask, almost afraid to know the answer.

"When's she coming home?" Buffy's voice seems solemn, but maybe I'm reading too much into it.

"Who?" I ask, already knowing the answer, but hoping she'll forget.

"Willow. She's been gone for several months. When is she coming home?"  
Buffy's staring at me now, and I can tell she really wants to know. I think about my response for several long seconds, then I shift gears and prepare to back out.

"She's not, Buffy." I tell her, opting for honesty. "Willow's staying in LA."  
Buffy seems dumbstruck by this news and I take the opportunity to get out of town, before some *other* emergency pops up. "See you Tuesday." 

I back up and leave my parking lot, waving to Buffy and Riley. I know that wasn't very nice, saying it like that. I'm sure Willow will have a thing or two to say to me by the time I get to the Hotel, but I don't really care. It’s past time Buffy was told that Willow wasn't coming home. She already is home.

*~*~*~* 

"Angel, stop!" 

I turn at the sound of Cordelia's voice.

"Stop what?" I ask wondering exactly what I have been doing. I've been so lost in my own thoughts I'm not really certain what I was, or wasn't, doing.

"Pacing." Cordelia smiles slightly at me, and I can tell she's amused.

"I… I wasn't…" I begin, knowing that whatever it is my body was doing while my mind wandered, it *wasn't* pacing. I don't pace.

"Pacing? You sure were. Don't worry, he'll be here." 

She's smiling at me again. 

I'm about to tell her that I am *not* worried, but the noise of someone entering the hotel stops my words. I know it isn't him. It's still too early. Even assuming he left right when he hung up, and didn't get sidetracked, again, the earliest he would get here is still another forty minutes away.

I sigh needlessly as I hear the voices drift from the lobby. It's Willow and our new guest. I'm glad she's here, Willow's been very excited about it all week, and I'm happy for her.  
Cordelia's voice has now been added to Willow's. I can tell that she's a little wary from her tone.  
I join them in the lobby.

"Angel!" Willow squeals excitedly. "Look who I brought."

I turn to the newcomer, not at all surprised to see her. Aside from my own frequent visits to her, Willow has talked of nothing else for the past few weeks.

"Faith. How are you?" I ask.

The Slayer smiles slightly. She seems a little nervous, although I'm not sure if that's because of her past and everything that's happened, or because Willow's enthusiasm is a bit daunting.

"Five by five." Faith looks around the large lobby for a second. "New digs."

"Yeah, the old ones are… gone." Cordelia offers tentatively.

We all stand there staring at one another for a few seconds, not sure exactly what to do or say. Cordelia is still hesitant about Faith after their last meeting. Willow is excited to have her friend on the outside of a glass partition. Faith is clearly nervous about being around the same people she has hurt. I can relate to that.

"Willow, why don't you show Faith around." I offer.

"Sure." Willow smiles brightly and drags the Slayer towards the stairs.

Cordelia watches them until they disappear around a corner on the second floor. "She looks okay." 

"She is okay. Don't worry." I try to reassure.

Cordelia nods. "You're going to be okay here?" She asks me carefully. "I'm supposed to meet Wes and Gunn at that place over on fourth. They said they have something to show me. I know I should be very afraid." She grins at me before turning back to the desk to grab her purse.

Cordelia leaves out the same door Willow and Faith had entered, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again. I wonder exactly what's going on with us. Xander and I. We don't see each other very often, although we do talk on the phone frequently. Still, we never seem to really talk about *it*. Talk about us. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

This thing we have growing between us, it's strong. Stronger than anything I've ever felt in all my years walking the Earth. It seems almost unreal. There's this connection between us that defies logic.

We really don't have all that much in common. I'm orderly in a way that's probably unknown to my kind, while he is completely comfortable throwing things around, regardless of where they may land. He's funny, while some would say I lost my sense of humor along with my humanity.

And then there's our history.

Before our unplanned shared Christmas, we barely said two words to one another, unless they went along the lines of 'I hate you'. Although even I will admit that I never really did hate him,  
I never understood him, but I doubt I ever will. He isn't like he appears. I think people look at him as though he is the tag along that serves no useful purpose, aside from the occasional joke. But I have learned that there is so much more to him than what the average person sees.

There is so much more to him than even *I* have seen. There is so much about him I want to see, so much I want to know. There are things about him, lurking just below the surface. Things I sometimes catch a glimpse of, before he shuts that part of himself off, and it's another round of some subject other than whatever it was he almost inadvertently showed me.

I want to know those parts of him. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will.

Willow talks about him sometimes. About when they were kids. How he was in school, before Buffy came, and even after. On a couple of occasions I've caught her about to tell me something, but then she realizes what she was about to do and stops. I wonder what it is they don't feel they can share with me, and if Xander will ever trust me enough to share that secret part of him.

"Hey." I look up at the sound.

It's Faith, and she's looking only slightly less nervous than she did before.

"You settle in okay?" I ask, stepping closer to her.

She nods. "Yeah, but Red needs some help with something." She shrugs at me. "She didn't tell me what."

I move towards the stairs, but stop halfway there. "Faith?" I ask as I turn around. When she faces me I continue. "It's good to have you back." That causes her to smile slightly and nod.

I turn back around and head up the stairs, wondering what it is Willow needs my help with. When I get to the room Willow's been staying in I knock once and enter. She's standing by the window. This side the hotel is blocked off from the sun by large overhangs because my own room is on this side, only a floor above.

"What is it?" I ask, curious. 

She motions me over and I come to look out the window. "Xander's here." She tells me quietly.

And sure enough, I see him standing outside, talking to the lady who runs a shop across the street. I watch him wave to her and turn towards the lobby, a suitcase in his hand. After he disappears from sight, I move away from the window, planning on going downstairs to meet him, but a hand on my arm stops me.

"Wait." Willow says softly.

It's then that I remember I was supposed to help her with something. I turn to face her, but the look in her green eyes tells me that there was never really anything she needed help with.

"You want to give Faith and Xander a moment alone?"

Willow nods. "They need it. I think we all do."

I see her point so I agree. 

*~*~*~* 

"Hey, hey, hey. I'm here…finally." I announce to the room at the large. The empty room at large. Actually make that the *almost* empty room. "Faith. You're out."

Seeing her really isn't a surprise. I knew she was being released today. I *knew* she would be here. There was no way on this earth I could have avoided her for *three* days until I return home. Still, seeing her has sort of deflated my enthusiasm.

"Hey, Xan." She sort of smiles at me, but not really.

It's not the smile I remember, and the look in her eyes is different. Actually, there's a lot about her that seems different. I know I should have expected that. She's spent time in jail, and according to both Willow and Angel she's realized some things about her actions, and herself.

As I stand before her, looking at her, this person who tried to kill me, I realize she's changed. Sure, she's still the same person, but there's something, fundamentally, that's different. Or maybe it's me that's different. Maybe its both.

A few years ago, when Faith first came to town, when she tried to fit in, were any of us really receptive to her? Did we *try* and make her comfortable? Or were we just trying to prove that there wasn't room for another Slayer? That Buffy was it, she was all Sunnydale needed, all *we* needed.

I think that might be part of it, and realizing that also makes me see how *wrong* we were. Buffy, although a great Slayer, and a good friend, when she wants to be, isn't the end-all and be-all of everything, the way I thought.

I was so infatuated with her. I'm not sure if it was just because she was attractive, and strong, and wanted to be my friend. I had so few friends before then. Just two, and they knew everything there was to know about me. Things no one has ever known. The same things no one else *will* ever know.

But I think in my desire to be Buffy's friend, someone she could count on, I lost sight of other things, other *people*. I was so wrong in my assessment of Angel, isn't it possible that I was wrong about Faith too?

"Xander," Faith's voice breaks the silence. "I-"

I look up at her, and realize that while I've been thinking about the mistakes I might have made, she was standing there, waiting for me to say something, anything.

"Faith, it's…" I begin but she shakes her head at me for a second and I fall silent.

"I'm… sorry." She says the words quietly.

I take a step closer to her and lock eyes with her, and I can see something there, something I never wanted to see before, but it's there nonetheless. Pain, and regret, and something else I can't define.

"About what?" I ask quietly, knowing the answer, but also knowing, somehow, that she needs to say this as much as I need to hear it.

"For trying to kill you, hurting you, being a general bitch."

I smile slightly at the last. "A general bitch? I thought it was a little more specific, but… whatever." I grin then, and that causes her to laugh for a second before she sobers.

"I really am sorry."

I nod my head a bit and reach out and touch her arm. "I know. So am I."

"You?" She crinkles a brow at me. "For what?"

I shrug. "We, no *I*, wasn't very nice, not really. I thought the sun shone and set with Buffy, and I didn't think we needed another 'chosen one'." 

"And now?" Faith asks, and I can see something new in her eyes. Maybe relief, or acceptance.

"Now, I realize that Buffy isn't everything. She's human, like everyone else… and the world could use another Slayer… or three."

Faith laughs at that but before she can comment I hear noise coming from the stairs.

"Hey you two." Willow smiles as she descends the steps. "Thank goddess you're here, Xan, I thought Angel was going to wear a whole in the carpet."

"I do *not* pace." Came the comment from the vampire in question.

*~*~*~* 

"I don't think Willow appreciated your telling Buffy that she was staying here." I tell Xander after we're alone together. 

Willow and Faith went out to eat. I think they were trying to give us some time alone, but considering they live in a *hotel* it really wasn't necessary.

Xander grins at me. "Well, it's true. She's not going back to Sunnydale, and its about time Buffy realized that."

"Lets not talk about Buffy." I tell him as I step closer.

"What shall we talk about then?" He asks me and I can hear the mischieveousness in his voice.

"Let's not talk at all." I tell him as I pull him closer and seal my lips over his. I can feel those warm lips moving under mine, opening, letting me in.

We're both really getting into it, mouths, tongues, even hands are getting involved, when distantly, I hear the sound of a telephone ringing. I groan at the sound because I know that since we're the only people in the hotel, after a couple of rings, the line will be transferred to the private line in my room, which is where we are at the moment.

"Make them go away." Xander whispers against my lips as the phone on the desk a few inches from us rings.

I want nothing more than to oblige him, but fate has other things in mind.

After a couple more rings the answering machine turns on. After the standard greeting, an all too familiar voice comes out of the small box.

"Angel? Are you there? It's really important." 

It's Xander who groans this time. I can sympathize. I move away from him and towards the desk.

"Don't answer it." He whispers. 

I hesitate, wanting to do just as he asks, but before I reach a decision, she speaks again.

"Please tell me you're there. Of course you are. Where else would you be? Please, pick up. It's urgent!"

I really want to ignore it, ignore *her* but if it really is an emergency I have to help, if I can. I turn to Xander, who nods slightly at me.

"You might as well. It isn't as if she'll *actually* go away." Xander's got a slight smile on his face, almost resigned.

"Buffy." I say into the line after I pick it up. "What's the problem?" I ask, hoping not to sound like there are a million things I'd rather be doing.

"Angel! You have to help me!" Buffy's voice sounds whiny but maybe that's just my own perception because I really don't want to be having this or any conversation with her. "You have to talk to Willow. Tell her to come home."

I sigh unnecessarily and move back to sit on the edge of the bed. "Buffy, it's her decision."

"No, you don't understand. She has to come home, she just has to." Buffy was definitely whining now.

I knew I would regret this question, but I had to ask. "Why?"

"Why?" Buffy all but shrieks. "Because, I need her!"

"Why?" I ask again. "You have other people there to help you. Why do you need Willow?"

As I ask this question is occurs to me that no previous Slayer has had the help she has had. If they could do it, why not her? Sure they didn't live as long, and that is of course a bad thing, as Xander would say, but it's only because of the support she has that she survives. I don't think its fair for her to expect all of her friends to put their lives on hold just for her destiny. But perhaps my present mood is coloring my perceptions.

"No, I don't. Giles is always gone these days. I think he has a new honey, and eww, the fact that I can even think about that means I'm seriously depraved."

I don't comment on that and wait for her to continue. 

"And Xander's been acting all… weird. Totally un-Xander-like."

This makes me pay more attention. "Un-Xander-like?" I ask with an amused look at Xander. He shrugs and moves out of the room. I wonder if he's upset for a second, but then he's back, carrying the mobile phone from the adjoining room. It's also tied into this line. I nod at him and he picks up the line so he can listen in.

"Well, he broke up with Anya awhile back, around thanksgiving, I think, and since then he's been acting strange. He doesn't spend that much time with us anymore. He won't even come to meetings anymore, or help with the Slaying, unless I specifically ask him." Buffy sighs dramatically and continues. "I don't understand it!"

"Maybe he's got a new… girlfriend, or a boyfriend?" I offer cautiously, curious as to her reaction.

Buffy laughs for a second. "I don't think so. He was lucky to get Anya, even with all her bizarreness, and we all know how that worked out. Besides, he would tell me, wouldn't he? Unless he was ashamed." She whispers the last and when I look up to see Xander I noticed he has disappeared.

I shake my head from the thoughts that are threatening to start moving around my brain. "Buffy? Buffy?" I wait for a moment before continuing. "Even if I wanted to talk to Willow for you, I can't. She isn't here."

"What? Where is she?" 

I take a deep, unnecessary breath before answering. "She went out to dinner… with Faith."

It takes exactly two and a half seconds for what I've said to sink in.

"What! Tell me you didn't just say what I think you did. She's with *Faith*? As in the evil Slayer who tried to steal my body?"

"Buffy, she's changed. Really." I try to tell her. But she doesn't want to listen and starts to rant about all the wrong Faith has done. Finally, I've had it. Faith is a friend of mine, a good one even, and I know that Buffy and Faith have issues, but I don't want to sit hear and listen to her rant about them, especially when I know Xander is wondering around the hotel, alone, and possibly upset.

"Buffy, enough!" I shout into the line, causing her to stop talking. "Listen, I don't want to hear about Faith, not from you. We've all made mistakes, some bigger than others. Faith's served her time, and wants a chance to make up for what she's done. I'm going to give her that opportunity. As for Willow, you'll have to speak to her yourself, but I should warn you, she and Faith have become friends, and she won't be any more receptive to your opinions than I am. Now, since this isn't a real emergency, I have to go. Goodnight."

I hang up the phone and make my way down the stairs, trying to find Xander.

*~*~*~* 

I leave Angel's room and make my way silently up to the top floor. It's dark now and there isn't much light to see by, but I've become familiar enough with the hotel to not need additional light.

I take a small stairway to the roof and move to the wall. It's not very high, and has a wide ledge on the other side so there isn't any danger of falling over. I climb up and sit on the wall and think.

The hotel is a large building, and up here on the roof it's easy to see the city below, or the sky above. I do a little of both. I know I shouldn't have walked out like that, but sometimes I just get so tired of hearing people talk about me.

I know what some people think, really I do. I know that some people have this certain view of me, not always favorable. I also know that I have propagated that belief by not showing them anything else.

And that's the way I've wanted things, for the most part. I didn't want people to pay too much attention to me. I know from experience only badness comes from that.

Still, to hear someone who's supposed to be one of my best friends telling someone I'm supposed to be in a relationship with say that she doesn't know *who* would be involved with me, who would *want* me, it hurts.

I know I can't blame her for her beliefs, not really. Not when all she knows is what I've told her. She doesn't know about anything else. Do I really want her to? Do I want her to know what's really been going on with me?

No, I don't. But that makes me wonder exactly what is going on with me. Do I even know? And is it something that *should* be going on? Maybe Buffy is right. She may not know all the details, but who says she's wrong?

Maybe the reason I can't get a handle on what's going on with Angel, or anything else in my life, is just that *I* am the one in a mess. I'm the one with the problem.

"Hey."

I startle at the noise. I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn't hear Angel come outside.

"Hey." I answer back, not exactly sure where we stand now. Not that anything *drastic* has happened, but maybe he's had second thoughts, or maybe he should be entertaining second thoughts. Maybe we both should.

"Sorry about that." Angel offers as he leans against the wall next to me.

I shrug. "No big deal."

He stares at me for a second and I'm almost afraid of what he's going to say next, but when he opens his mouth it's not what I think he'll say.

"Where were we?" His voice is low, almost a rumble, and his hand is reaching out for mine, but I don't help him out any.

"Nowhere." I answer and I wince inwardly at the sadness in my tone. "I think maybe this was a mistake." I hop off of the wall and start to walk away.

"You do?" Angel's voice stops me in my tracks, but I don't turn around, knowing there's more.

"What, you're going to let what someone else thinks change us?"

I spin around, irritated at his tone as much as at my own perceived failure.

"Us? Us, Angel? There is no *us*! We barely have a chance to see each other, and when we do, it never works out right. You've got your gig here, and I've got- well, whatever I've got back in Sunnydale. Our St. Patrick's day plans were sort of a wash. Our vacation in Soda Springs, you remember that?" I know I'm shouting but suddenly it seems like the thing to do. I don't even wait for him to answer before I continue. "It was ruined like everything else. What the hell do you think we're doing here?"

I close my eyes and take a deep breath trying to calm myself. When I open them, Angel is right in front of me, his dark eyes boring into mine.

"Stay." He whispers, and instinctively, I know he doesn't mean for the weekend. He's talking about something a lot more permanent than I am even willing to think about yet.

"I can't." I breathe as I lean my head against his. "I just…can't. There's so much you don't know."

"So tell me." Angel's voice is soothing me somehow. It's a sound I relish and know that if I do what I'm thinking would be the smart thing, and leave, right now, I'll miss this, I'll miss *him*.

I shake my head against him and he wraps his arm around me, squeezing me slightly, letting me know that that's okay, for now.

"Come on, let's go inside." Angel takes my hand and I follow him inside, suddenly aware of a new truth to my existence.

No matter what secrets I'm hiding, or the obstacles in the way I would follow him, anywhere. 

It's a scary thought, but an honest one.

*~*~*~* 

End 'Slayers, Secrets & Other Interruptions'


End file.
